The Past is the Past

The past is the past. There are incredibly painful, life-changing moments of the past. There are also beautiful moments of the past. What do both have in common? They are both things of the past. One should never forget their past, because it is through past experiences we have become the people we are today. We should always be thankful for such events. However, there is a fine line that needs to be drawn.

Too often I find myself trying to relive moments from the past. I want to relive amazing feats, beautiful pictures, enchanting scenes, joyful encounters. I find myself becoming obsessed with the high of the feelings I had of certain experiences. In my mind I know I exaggerate the greatness of these moments to be more than what they actually were. I find myself being so enthralled looking back, trying to recreate those inaccurate "superior moments", I miss the beauty of the here and now.

The things of my past were real, but I cannot live as if they are real in the same way today. People change, thoughts change, life changes. I cannot force the things of the past to fit in with those things of my future, or my here and now. Like I said, they played a critical part of where I am today but I too often try to get them to fit in with where I am now. I want so badly, sometimes, for the things of my past to fit in my present ... but they don't always fit.

As I write I see the problem there is with this kind of thinking. It is all about me and what I want. I am not allowing the One who knows me the most, Who has my best interest at heart, to open my eyes to the things He has in mind. I am missing the beauty He has placed before me. The wild and beautiful now He has shaped in front of me. I have blinded myself by looking at old pictures that remind me of faces, listening to music that takes me back to a certain place in time. During the time I drown myself with old memories I miss the opportunities I have to make new ones. To meet new beautiful people. To invest in new lives. I miss out on a new date my Love is trying to take me on.

How selfish can I be?

I am painfully reminded tonight of my own ungrateful selfishness. And I am once again humbled by my Dear One's love and compassion and mercy toward me. How undeserved it is.

Glory be unto Him alone!